Saturday, March 31, 2007

Man camps out at work, busts burglars

From The Decatur Daily via Yahoo News

ATHENS, Ala. - Steve Bauer had had enough after two nights of someone breaking into his business and stealing antiques. So he armed himself with a cola bottle and a .44-caliber Magnum and spent the night at work. Soon, Bauer had his man. And a woman.
Bauer, owner of Steve Bauer Properties, was fed up after burglars hit his business twice. So he spent the night at his realty office on Wednesday.
Bauer, 51, had the gun for protection, and he propped the plastic bottle at the back door so it would make a noise if someone opened it.
"I fell asleep sometime after 11," he said. "I woke up when I heard the bottle fall. I could hear papers shuffling in my office."
Bauer peeked into his office and saw a woman with a flashlight looking through his desk. He asked what she was doing, and the woman called him by name and replied she was looking for a house to rent.
"I said, 'Ma'am, it's midnight, and you have a flashlight. I don't believe so. I believe you need to lay down on the ground.'"
Bauer called Athens police, and he heard someone outside while he was on the phone. The woman's boyfriend was in a pickup truck.
"I ordered him to get out and put his hands on the truck," Bauer said. "I told him I had a gun and was on the phone with police, but he cranked the truck and took off."
Bauer shot at the truck's back tires, but a bullet ricocheted off the road and hit the window of another business.

Jason's snark: Yeah, because you can find a rental house, at midnight, with a flashlight, in a desk drawer. That must have been one small house.

Wife Charged After Husband Shoots Lover

From the Associated Press via Yahoo News

FORT WORTH, Texas - Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup truck in the driveway. Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson - thinking quickly, if not clearly - cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head. On Thursday, a grand jury handed up a manslaughter indictment - against the wife, not the husband. In a case likely to reinforce the state's reputation for don't-mess-with-Texas justice, the grand jury declined to charge the husband with murder, the charge on which he was arrested by police. "If I found somebody with my wife or with my kids in my house, there's no telling what I might do," said Juan Muniz, 33, who was having lunch Friday with one of his two small children at a restaurant in the middle-class suburban Dallas neighborhood where the Robersons lived. "I probably would have done the same thing." Tracy Roberson, 35, could get two to 20 years in prison in the slaying of Devin LaSalle, a 32-year-old UPS employee.

Jason's snark: Dang y'all. Sometimes I miss Texas.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Rental Car Snake Claimed

From TMJ4 Milwaukee

A snake found hidden in a rental car glove box is back with it's owners.A Budget Rental Car worker found the snake when he was cleaning out the car. Animal Control came to take the snake away. After seeing the snake on television last night, owner Roseann Burks recognized Sammy the boa constrictor. She told TODAY'S TMJ4 Reporter Lauren Leamanczyk that she and her boyfriend rented the car two weeks ago. They stopped at a store and left the snake in a bag inside the car. When they came back out, the snake was nowhere to be found. Roseann says they assumed the snake had been stolen. "I'm surprised he survived honestly," she said. "Cause he could have died, he could have went in the engine, anywhere. He could have frozen." Sammy is just fine. No one got hurt.

Jason's snark: Yeah, but they missed the 'gator in the trunk.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

School: Pirates are not welcome

From Citizen-Times

Weaverville – When you’re a pirate, some dangers just come with the territory: scurvy, grog hangovers, a walk down the plank at sword point.
But being kicked out of school for a day?
Bryan Killian doesn’t think that’s a fair reaction to his decision to come to North Buncombe High School wearing an eye patch and an inflatable cutlass.
The sophomore spent Wednesday at home after an administrator took issue with his accessories.
Buncombe County Schools says the eye patch was disruptive to classroom instruction. The student’s refusal to take it off after four warnings led to discipline, the district said.
“I feel like my First Amendment was violated,” Killian, 16, said. “Freedom of religion and freedom of expression. That’s what I tried to do, and I got shot down.”
Freedom of religion?
Yes, Killian says, his “pirate regalia” is part of his faith — the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The parody religion, whose “Pastafarian” members worship a sentient, airborne clump of noodles and meatballs, originated in a letter to the Kansas school board urging it to add the religion to its plans to teach evolution and intelligent design side by side.
It became an Internet phenomenon, spawning a belief system that holds pirates to be divine beings and blames global warming on the disappearance of the buccaneers.
Satirical though it may be, Killian isn’t laughing.
“If this is what I believe in, no matter how stupid it might sound, I should be able to express myself however I want to,” he said.
An eye patch is no more disruptive than a Christian cross around one’s neck, he said.
His teachers saw it the same way, he said, but Assistant Principal Sarah Cooley didn’t. She assigned him two days of in-school suspension before calling his home to add out-of-school suspension.
“It has nothing to do with religious beliefs,” school district spokesman Stan Alleyne rushed to say when asked about the suspension. “We respect students’ religious beliefs.”
Killian’s mother, Vanessa, agreed with the school’s decision despite sympathizing with her son.
“I think Bryan should be able to voice his opinion,” she said, “but he kind of got carried away.”
Killian planned to go back to school today. He doesn’t think he’ll wear an eye patch.

Jason's snark: You know he's going to be a politician some day. And "Pastafarian?" Pass the Spaghetti-Os on the left-hand side.

Bush serves jokes at broadcasters dinner

From the Associated Press via Yahoo! News

WASHINGTON - Tell us, Mr. President, how have things changed since the last broadcasters' dinner?
"A year ago my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my vice president had shot someone,"
President Bush said Wednesday night during the annual gathering.
"Ah," he said, "those were the good ol' days."
In keeping with the lighthearted traditions of the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner, Bush poked fun at himself and a few others in remarks that drew laughter and applause at the Washington Hilton Hotel.
Bush thanked the organization for providing dinner, "and I'd like to thank Senator Webb for providing security."
Virginia's Democratic senator, Jim Webb, had to explain this week why an aide was carrying a loaded handgun as he tried to enter a Capitol complex building.
Noting that Vice President
Dick Cheney was not in attendance, Bush said: "He's had a rough few weeks. To be honest, his feelings were kind of hurt. He said he was going on vacation to
Afghanistan where people like him."
Cheney's recent trip to Afghanistan was marked by a bombing near where he was meeting with officials.
On the controversy over the Justice Department's firing of eight federal prosecutors, Bush said: "I have to admit we really blew the way we let those attorneys go. You know you've botched it when people sympathize with lawyers."
Acknowledging House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., at the head table, Bush said some had wondered how he'd get along with her. "Some say she's bossy, she's opinionated, she's not to be crossed," he said. "Hey, I get along with my mother."
Looking ahead to life after leaving the White House, Bush said he might follow
President Clinton's lead and produce a memoir.
"I'm thinking of something really fun and creative for mine," he said. "You know, maybe a pop-up book."
Possible titles: "How W. Got His Groove Back," "Who Moved My Presidency?" and "Tuesday with Cheney."
But seriously, folks, Bush noted that another person missing from the audience of broadcast journalists was Sen. Barack Obama, the Illinois Democrat running for president.
"Not enough press," the president cracked.
Comics from the TV show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" provided the professional humor. Among other things, they persuaded Bush political adviser Karl Rove to participate in an improvised rap song.
The black-tie dinner, the group's 63rd annual gathering of journalists, politicians and their guests, features political and topical humor.

Jason's snark: Gosh I'm going to miss this guy's sharp wit.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Man calls police during robbery


A Red Bluff, Calif., man was arrested Tuesday after calling 911 to tell police that he was robbing a bank on Main Street.
Douglas Farrell, 43, was arrested on suspicion of attempted robbery at 11 a.m. and booked into Tehama County Jail with bail set at $10,000.
Red Bluff police said Farrell called 911 and told the dispatcher he was in the middle of robbing the downtown US Bank branch.
Officers surrounded the bank, and Farrell walked out and was arrested. Police said that Farrell, who was not a transient, did not have any weapons and had not threatened bank employees or customers.

Jason's snark: Next time maybe he can E-mail the cops, ask for a meeting downtown, then promise to poke the chief in the eye as soon as they show up. Yeah. That'll work out great. Fantastic plan dude.

Paris Hilton's dwarf cat courts controversy


Paris Hilton has been accused of funding 'unscrupulous' pet breeders after buying a dwarf cat.
The socialite, who owns a menagerie of pets, was seen clutching the miniature grey feline as she was exiting her car.
Although Paris, 26, is delighted with her new pet, she has been slammed for purchasing the unusual cat because the specialist breed has numerous health problems.
The cats are said not to be able to function like normal sized felines, and cannot jump properly because their bow legs are too short.
They can also break the bones in their limbs when landing because their legs aren't long enough to absorb the shock.
Hollywood gossip writer Janet Charlton wrote on her website: "She's way off base with her mini-cat. She's got a cat that was bred to be a tiny dwarf and like most dwarves it has short bowed legs.
"Breeding animals to be dwarfs or midgets is unethical and they usually have numerous health problems because of it. They're cute, but not healthy or able to function like a regular cat.
"For example these short legged cats can't jump like normal felines and might break bones because their legs aren't long enough to absorb the shock. Plus they have internal problems.
"But as long as wealthy people like Paris buy these pets, they will be produced by unscrupulous breeders. Paris should think about adopting her cats at a shelter."
As well as her new cat, Paris also owns two Chihuahuas, a goat, a ferret and a kinkajou.

Jason's snark: If that gal would eat a sammich once in a while, she could lift a normal sized kitty.

Unkown satellite-like device falls from sky

From somalinet

A baffling device which resembles a satellite or Unidentified Flying Object has landed in a rural area close to Buulo-Burde town, 220km north of the Somalia capital Mogadishu, eyewitnesses told Shabelle radio on Monday. Villagers report that the device had fallen in a remote jungle area, some 40km north of Bulo-Burde, killing one camel. No experts have reached there to find out exactly what the object is. The unknown object is sitting on an area of one 100 meter square as people grew more concern over the device that it might explode or contaminate the area. The device is said to be intact and not broken as it gives alarming signals. No one knows where the satellite-like device had come from. “In the evening of last Wednesday, a large device flew over us and some time later, we heard a big sound, BAM” said Ilyas Ali, a villager who lives nearby where this large device has fallen. Ilyas said in the daylight it glitters and but in the nighttime, it turns lights and speaks a strange language which can’t be understood by the villagers. The news of the fallen device was too late because of the remote area it landed and poor communication. Details are emerging in the coming days.

Jason's snark: Tell the folks in Upham to hide thier camels.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Town Seizes Sheep Living In Man's House

Associated Press via Local 6

Authorities seized a flock of sheep that had wandered away from a downtown home to graze on floral arrangements in the town cemetery. Animal neglect charges were pending Tuesday against the animals' owner, David Watts, who kept about 80 of the animals in his crumbling house in this Raleigh suburb, police said. "He lives upstairs and the sheep were living downstairs," police Sgt. Robert Towell said. "He considered them pets." Watts even walked some of the sheep around the neighborhood on a leash. About 30 sheep were euthanized because of ailing health, said Michael Williams, director of the Wake County Animal Care, Control and Adoption Center. Police were waiting to see if additional animals would be euthanized before determining the extent of the charges. Up to 30 healthy sheep could be available for adoption, officials said. Neighbors have long complained about the sheep. "All I want is to be able to sit on my front porch and not smell sheep poop," said Angie Fowler, who lives across the street. Mayor Keith Weatherly said the town council considered a proposal last year that would bar residents from keeping livestock, but it was never passed.

Jason's snark: Any quote that has poop in it is a good one.

Judge pulls gun in court


JACKSONVILLE, Fla., March 27 (UPI) -- A Jacksonville, Fla., judge drew his handgun when an accused child molester was attacked by an alleged victim's father in court."I didn't know if he was going after me or the bailiffs or the defendant," Circuit Judge John Merrett told The (Jacksonville, Fla.) Times-Union.The father, who had not seen the defendant before the court appearance, hurdled a railing and landed several punches on the handcuffed and shackled man before bailiffs restored order.Merrett said that once he saw the situation was under control, he handed his gun to the court clerk and asked her to lock it in a drawer. Merrett has a concealed weapon permit and said he'd do the same thing again, the newspaper reported. But Duval County Public Defender Bill White said the incident was frightening. He plans to talk to the chief judge about whether judges should be armed in court. "It's very disconcerting for a lawyer to be in the line of fire," White told the Times-Union.The father was charged with felony aggravated assault and misdemeanor battery.

Jason's snark: Just goes to never know what's under a judge's robe.